How do I not be a Karen about this?

“Wow, awesome!” I exclaimed internally after reading Elliot Page’s amazing Instagram post. (Read it here: https://www.instagram.com/p/CIQ1QFBhNFg/) Then I read a report that Netflix changed their credits to reflect and honor his coming out. Then I thought to myself, “Oh, shit - I’ve got to change my book.” (For those of you who have a copy, turn to page 43.) Let me ‘splain…no there is too much, let me sum up: I wrote a book, published it in February of 2020 with Dancing Moon Press, and now Elliot Page has come out as Elliot Page and his name is WRONG in my book. Twice. FUCK.

I have to fix this, I thought. I started researching the best way I knew how, with Google. I didn’t want to approach any trans friends or friends-of-friends or acquaintances etc. about it because…well, to be perfectly honest…I wanted desperately to not be a Karen about this. And I figure the easiest way to be a Karen is to speak or act before doing any fucking research. As a straight, cisgender, awkward-but-learning woman person I wanted to just do the right thing.

I read this https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/08/14/laverne-cox-lambastes-deadnaming-what-is-it-and-why-is-it-a-problem/

And then this https://medium.com/@MxComan/trans-citation-practices-a-quick-and-dirty-guideline-9f4168117115

And when I read the sentence explaining how using slave names aloud in reference to freed African-Americans in a post-War era could be equated to deadnaming - [STOPPED WHAT I WAS DOING AND TEXTED MY PUBLISHER IMMEDIATELY]…Suffice to say, I felt the profound urgency to do something about this quickly; and, not because I didn’t want to appear as a Karen or simply protect my reputation (which of course I also wished) but because I admire and respect the actor so much that I would absolutely hate to be the source of those awful feelings within him - or anyone. I mean Jesus, slave names. That changed my brain, I’m embarrassed to say. It sparked a self-education process in me that I hope many of you reading will embark on if you haven’t already. Seriously, I encourage everyone to learn more about deadnaming and trans rights and history. The Human Rights Campaign at hrc.org was a great place for me to start.

So, there’s not a how-to-fix-alread-published-deadnames manual out there. I was astonished that there wasn’t much available as far as guides for authors and publishers on how to makes these kinds of corrections. I guess I mean to exclaim, WHY IS NO ONE MAKING THESE CORRECTIONS!?! Anyway, so I thought I’d document my process for posterity and in case there are other writers out there curious about how another person went about changing an already published piece to honor and respect transgender people by not deadnaming. (Don’t know what deadnaming is? Please start here: https://www.hrc.org/resources/be-an-ally-support-trans-equality )

I read the above articles (also see below, More References) watched some videos, watched DISCLOSURE on Netflix (highly highly recommend), reflected back on all the transgender patients I had ever cared for in the hospital setting, texted a few close confidants, and then decided to reach out to some trans writers. Who better to ask about the topic of changing published works to honor trans individuals than trans writers? I boldly sent some blind Facebook messages to the admins of some trans writing groups with the most-polite, most-honest, most-non-Karen-y intro I could come up with. Two of three replies were less than cordial, and I do not mention that in any way to reflect poorly upon them. I expected this. I realize that not all trans people want to be interrogated constantly about their transitions and just want to live their lives. They also probably do not want to be approached on social media by a cisgender person when they’ve likely been accosted or abused or disrespected by cisgender people their entire lives. I knew I needed to tread lightly, write honestly, and have zero expectations. One person replied to me in the most open and affirming way imaginable. Her name is *Delilah. She is a sex-educator, a writer, a mom, a transactivist; she leads trans family support groups and heads a non-profit supporting trans writers. She graciously accepted my request for help in this effort to correct my book and not be a Karen. We even talked on the phone and talked about what being a Karen really is (She says there’s two types of Karens well-meaning and not-well-meaning) among many other things. I was so grateful for her willingness to help and educate, and accept my insufficient life experience with my enthusiasm for getting this right. Delilah helped me work through my intentions with making the change, how I should go about doing it, my expectations, the idea of making bookmarks and even helped with the editing of the bookmark’s text. O note she, and another who did reply to my initial message, encouraged me to reach out to Elliot himself. After creating cute-AF bookmarks with the Elliot Page correction (btw, FREE to print out and use, see my homepage) I wrote, edited, and sent the following message to Elliot…

***

Hi Elliot,

First of all, I am an enormous fan. I also realize how insignificant I am in comparison to you and all the other enormous fans that surely message you, so I'll cut to the chase. I admire you so much that I wrote you into a book. Okay, so having said that, once upon a time I wrote and published a silly memoir about my dating life, and in said book I cast every character with Hollywood actors for laughs. The jist: I cast you as myself. Not as a joke, but because I think you are a stellar human being and actor. I won't bore you with the details of my very small book, which is absolutely miniscule in comparison to your own work. I admire and have always admired your wit, honesty, and art, so I feel compelled to offer an apology and notify you that I have made a correction in my publication regarding your name.

After you came out on social media I never gave that "casting choice" in my book a second thought. As an awkward-but-learning straight cisgender woman (and trying my hardest to not be a Karen) my initial thought was, "Wow, how awesome!" My second thought was, "Oh shit! I need to change my book." Well I'm definitely not as fast as Netflix, but I endeavored to make this change as quickly and correctly and respectfully as possible. With the help of my small-press publisher and a wonderful trans writer who took pity on me, I made the changes to the ebook and the printed book files for future ordered copies. I notified readers of the change and made free bookmarks available with this correction, and did my best to highlight the importance of trans rights and history in the process. However, I must admit despite my best efforts there are a few copies that exist with the incorrect name printed. For this I must profusely apologize to you.

I also wanted to say that through this process I have learned so much about and from the trans community where formerly existed a dearth of knowledge. It has changed not only my writing and personal interactions, but my professional conduct as a hospital nurse as well. I now am seeking more knowledge about the experience of trans people in our healthcare system and so far I am appalled, and therefore motivated to be less complacent and make positive changes, however small they might be.

Anyhow, I'm sure you have nine million other fan messages to read or ignore. I don't expect a response, but I wanted you to hopefully accept my apology and know that I am working to be better.

With gratitude and continued admiration,

Marie MacMillan

***

I sent the message. I posted the photos of the bookmarks. I added the hashtags. I sent thank you notes to all who helped. I am offering discounts on hand-corrected copies of first editions of THE REBOOT: 50 DATES WITH MYSELF this Valentine’s Day (email me!) and I’m donating portions of every book bought in February to Trans Lifeline (https://www.translifeline.org)

It felt good to say that I think I’ve done my best in this errata process. It feels bad to say it took me this long to realize that I am behind in my beliefs, ways, and actions in regards to the trans community - and really, behind in my personal awaking to social justice in the 21st century (see future blog posts). But, like Delilah reassured me…

…“You know, we’re all so wound up on these topics. Do the best you can. If anyone critiques your process, accept the feedback gracefully. But don’t beat yourself up. We’re all living through a major social evolution. Ten years ago most people didn’t even know why pronouns were a thing. Five years ago, news media giddily published deadnames. We’re all growing and learning.”

I hope you grow with me.

~Marie

More References

https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/tony-mcdade-and-trans-people-deserve-not-to-be-deadnamed

http://pinkmantaray.com/ncaa - Absolutely excellent writing about trans athletes and the rules that governing sports bodies employ currently, like the NCAA and the IOC. Also follow @pinkmantaray on Instagram

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/08/14/laverne-cox-lambastes-deadnaming-what-is-it-and-why-is-it-a-problem/

https://medium.com/@MxComan/trans-citation-practices-a-quick-and-dirty-guideline-9f4168117115

https://www.hrc.org/campaigns/see-each-other-save-trans-lives

https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-02145-3

“You know, we’re all so wound up on these topics. Do the best you can. If anyone critiques your process, accept the feedback gracefully. But don’t beat yourself up. We’re all living through a major social evolution. Ten years ago most people didn’t even know why pronouns were a thing. Five years ago, news media giddily published deadnames. We’re all growing and learning.”

— *Delilah, transactivist and author-life-saver

No we're not throwing away our shots

Feeling cute, might not get COVID this year :) Here I am just after getting my Pfizer vaccine dose #1 after a 12-hr hospital shift in the ICU taking care of critically ill patients without COVID. Many people don’t realize, there’s been a huge increase in the acuity - or the severity of sickness - patients have when they come through the hospital doors these days. I’ve seen so many elderly who’ve fallen or become ill without their usual people checking on them in person - or people who have stayed at home with chest pain for days in fear of coming the the E.R. who then have terrible heart attacks and permanent organ damage - or people who haven’t had access to their meds or doctors or resources because of the pandemic. I’ve seen more people die this year than any other in my career, and the majority of them died of causes other than the coronavirus. Wearing a mask, staying home this Christmas, and getting vaccinated help ALL of these people - not just the people who already have COVID - it helps everyone. EVERYONE.

If 2020 were a basketball game where humanity is down by 315k *points (lives), this shot in my arm means Team Humanity has scored like one solitary basket before the halftime buzzer. I repeat, it is ONLY HALFTIME. 315,000-2. Yes, we finally got some offense, but we are not going to win this game if we STOP playing defense. So please, please, continue playing defense.

Need more analogies? Okay. I get it, not everyone is in to sports.

If 2020 is Return of the Jedi then this shot in my arm only means that the Ewoks just came over the ridge shooting arrows and rocks at the Imperial AT-STs guarding the shield generator. Okay, yeah, sure thank you Wicket, et.al. so again it is technically offense, huzzah; but we still need that shield generator down. And just like our old buddy General Calrissian said, we've got to give them more time.

Still not sticking? Okay. On Sesame Street, Elmo and Lolita sing the alphabet A to M, but then Oscar the Grouch abruptly pops out of his trash can to say that the letters N through Z haven't arrived yet (they're away "in quarantine") and that they have to keep singing the Alphabet Song from A to M---for probably another 10 months. Elmo and Lolita are sad and really tired of singing just letters A through M. They miss N, O, P, Q, R and the rest. Big Bird, Maria, and Gordon come around the corner to comfort them, saying the rest of the alphabet will come back to them as long as they keep singing, and that we can actually spell a lot of things with the letters we have right now. Like, HEAL.

Cue Hamilton soundtrack, Act I track 3.

I could go all night guys. Wear your masks. Learn about the shots. Zoom Christmas and New Years, and let's be honest, probably St. Patrick's Day and Easter. Send a love note to the healthcare people in your lives, believe me they need it. Be kind to one another, ESPECIALLY if you disagree. Anger is bad for you. Do your part the best way you know how, because so many of us already have, and we need the whole roster of Team Humanity to win this thing.

#COVIDVACCINE #vaccineselfie #nursesofinstagram #starwarsanalogies #sportsanalogies #angerisbadforyou #bekind

*Social media note: I posted this on my personal Instagram and Facebook account. (I also posted an abridged version on my LinkedIn account due to word count limits.) After a few requests to make that post public, I just put it here on my website with some minor changes. Feel free to share this link :) xoxo -MM

I can't do it all, and that's okay. (A goodbye to podcasting)

In all forms of art, editing can be a painful but necessary process. Transformative, even. But I don’t need transformation, I just need a nap.

Lately, I’ve felt overwhelmed. I mean, yes, by all the things that so many of us are overwhelmed by, namely a pandemic and its ghastly effects on modern society and the revolutionary exposition of American morality and racial consciousness—but actually, those aren’t the things that have sent me over the edge. What has is an ordinary ping on my phone: an online invitation to yet another thing that interests me and that I want to do and that I say to myself, I should do that. (‘Should’ is an evil-ish word.) These pings have been stacking up daily, and as much as I want to do them all I’m ignoring them more and more and each time I do I feel another ping inside my head. Disparagement. Self-doubt. And a string of utterly stupid questions beginning with why can’t I…ending with I don’t know why but I just can’t.

With the recent jarring realization and subsequent reluctant acceptance of the fact that working mothers can’t have it all – in a pre-COVID world and even less so in pandemic 2020 – I’ve decided that my life requires editing. I’ve been near a breaking point with the equation so well-known to working parents, where Time x Energy = Production. Sometimes I have enough time to do something, but not enough energy, and vice versa. Like for example, tonight it was enough time to go get and wrap the baby shower gifts stashed in my basement for this weekend’s social distance gathering, but I literally didn’t have the energy and instead lay sprawled on the couch in my food-splattered T-shirt watching The Politician. For my cardiology nerds out there, this is similar to Cardiac Output where HR x Stroke Volume = CO. Well, if Time is Heart Rate and Energy is Stroke Volume, my cardiac output is like 1L/min and I need a dobutamine drip STAT. Maybe an LVAD. Medical translation: I’m fucking tired and I get down on myself unnecessarily.

I grew up being encouraged by coaches at all-girl soccer camps and swim lessons and baton twirling competitions that YES I CAN do everything boys can. I can have a job. I can have a family. I can have professional aspirations. I can have a kid and be healthy. I can breastfeed and work full-time. I can be physically fit and eat right and enjoy cocktails with friends. I can be part of social clubs, lead volunteer groups, and go after promotions. I can earn and save money. I can make plans. I can look put-together. But, (with emphasis, perhaps shouting) I JUST CAN’T do it all AT THE SAME TIME. One of my new mom friends, a nurse-practitioner currently on furlough, and I were chatting about this truth at a park 6-feet-apart through face masks while our kids crawled around the grass. She said to me, “It’s such a fucked-up message from society. Hey! Here’s a breast-pump! Look! Now you can work AND mother simultaneously!” In case you missed it, and is the keyword here. The TL;DR version of this entire blog post can be summarized in this next sentence. Life can’t be and anymore, it has to be or. I encourage the reader to visit the links above for excellent op-eds that further and more eloquently elaborate on the topic of not having it all and the overriding message that my brain is most frantically occupied with—Marie, you can’t do it all. I’ve found myself singing aloud to the Monty Python tune of Always Look on the Bright Side of Life substituting the words: I can’t do it all, and that’s okay! Duh duh, duh duh duh duh duh duh… It’s not fair, and it’s not what they told us, but it is my 2020 reality. And it is, in fact, okay. I am really, really okay with having an “or” life right now instead of feeling like I must soldier through an “and” life.

So, to the act of editing. I morosely bowed out of my feminist book club which I attended sparsely despite real dreams of consistent participation. I left every Facebook group that I wasn’t active with. I unfollowed social media accounts that made me feel the least bit self-critical—sorry Blake Lively, I just can’t keep up with your level of awesome—and I unsubscribed from newsletters that made me feel unsuccessful for not following through, i.e. I never attended that webinar, or donated to that cause. I went through my phone and found every ping that prompted an internal dialogue along the lines of Oh, I should do that or I haven’t gotten to that yet. It dawned on me that all these alerts were barriers to commending myself for doing the things I am doing, such as successfully feeding my one-year-old breakfast and making a point to tell my also-exhausted spouse how much I love him. I mean, I’ve always known these were priorities, they’re always at the top of my list, I just reached the point where I allowed myself to feel bad for not doing #5-1,498 and omitted patting myself on the back for consistently doing #1-4. I realized, as I clicked away on my laptop and phone departing commitment after commitment, that what it comes down to is that mediocrity is what makes me feel like a failure. Perhaps I need additional therapy to unpack this very familiar plague of high-achieving Millennials (insert shoulder-shrug emoji, and then wine glass emoji). However, editing my life to the essentials and trying to accept the reality of not doing or having it all is what I am (and countless other working parents out there are) doing to survive, COVID-19 or no COVID-19. This brings me to the sad announcement that I am retiring my healthcare podcast Head-to-Toe.

I heard a funny quip on NPR’s Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me news quiz show that the pandemic lockdown won’t produce a baby boom but that everyone will start their own podcast. And here I am ending mine after four years, 42 episodes, 65 healthcare professionals interviewed, and thousands of downloads. As much as I love podcasting (and I love it despite my reality of not earning a dime from doing it aside from minute donations from patrons), I don’t want to continue at a rate and quality that are substandard to my creative desires for the show. I don’t want to become proficient in half-assing things I care about. (Again, see links above for reasons why working parents, and especially working moms, have come to this coping mechanism.) So, I’ve decided to end it with four special COVID-19 episodes and a recorded goodbye. I’m full of mixed feelings: sadness that I don’t have more in my gas tank for the podcast, gratefulness for all the people I’ve encountered along the way, wonderment at the amount I’ve learned on technical and creative levels, and finally a profound sense of honor to have told the stories, highlight the topics, and most importantly give voice to the often-unasked and ignored healthcare professionals in today’s art and media. (One thing I can thank you for, coronavirus, is a slight bump in this trend. (Thanks Banksy.)

For your reference and enjoyment, I will keep all the episodes here on my website and on Podbean. You can of course continue to listen to them and share them. You can of course still email me your healthcare stories, because I love to hear/read them as they all inspire me. I’ll even keep the podcast feedback line open that no one ever calls (503-512-0185) in case anyone wants to drop me a line about the show or leave a voicemail with your thoughts on the show’s conclusion. And if you feel so inclined, you can support me and my future artistic efforts by buying my book .

Head-to-Toe has been a special part of my life and career. I can’t say with absolute certainty that it won’t be resurrected in some form in the future, and I can’t say for sure that this will be the only podcast I’ll ever host or produce. For now, though, it is time to put down the mic. I hope to have more Energy and Time for not only the essentials of my life, but also for writing more, reading beyond my social media feeds, and planning furtively for the day that my son does not require 24/7 attention and the world isn’t on pandemic lockdown.

To listeners and supporters, old and new alike, I thank you deeply. To my past show guests, thank you again and again as each time I listen I learn something new and feel more impressed that you ever talked to me. To everyone I’ve encountered along the way via networking, other podcasts, conferences, emails, LinkedIn, Instagram, Skype calls, phone calls, and all the other places—I’m so glad to have met you and I hope to continue our connections. To my family for believing in me and my crazy storytelling passion, I love you and thank you. 

To everyone still reading: Stay healthy. Stay six-feet apart. Send virtual hugs. Be kind. Love one another. Remember that it is infinitely easier to breathe through a mask than it is to breathe via a ventilator. Remember you have only one body and it doesn’t come with a warranty. Laugh because life is short. Be able to believe in and question science simultaneously. Listen to people you disagree with and speak your truths with respect. Call your mother once a week. Fill out your advance directives, then live long and prosper. And for God’s sake, register to vote. And then vote.

And now I’ll end it like I do most episodes—until next time, take care.

***

This is the blog post version. Listen to the audio edition here.

"Hi, I'm Marie. I'm the author..."

I nervously talked into the microphone as strangers looked up from their IPAs and worn copies of Catcher in the Rye…

So, this is surreal. I’m an author. My book got published. It’s a real thing, paper bound together with my name on the front and my words on the inside. It’s weird to hold in my hands after years of rejection, editing, rejection, emails, reading, more editing, making friends with small press professionals, and then publishing. But hold it I did, at a local bookstore, reading to my closest friends, family, and strangers over two days in February.

How many hashtags can you use for a Book Release? Oh, the social media madness. Check out my Instagram if you want to see all the pretty photos (okay, mediocre for the most part but some are really cool).

Saturday February 15th I read aloud from the physical paperback to them at a small “book pub” in Northeast Portland. My smile showed a mixture of nervousness and pride. And gratitude. So much fucking gratitude I wanted to cry. Many of the people who are IN the book (casted as celebrities) came to support me. And my family. And some strangers who wandered in to have a beer and read a book.

Friday Feb. 14th I had beers with some close nursing colleagues - friends and fans the same - and after two pints of 9% stout they got me talking about what I want to write next. And encouraged me to go after it. That next morning while my 7 month old son and amazing-and-exhausted husband were napping, I seized a quiet moment on my laptop to open a new document and start brainstorming.

Pure research so far. The document subtitles read: Books to read; Articles to save; People to interview; Subject matter to become an expert on; Order more books; Drink more coffee. And the baby cries are heard on the monitor and I put the laptop away.

This must be how author moms write. During the in-between moments when a nap, or a shower, or an 11am glass of wine, or a 10 minute yoga session is forgone for the chance to sit and produce content at a glacial yet passionate pace.

I like it. I think I’ll keep doing it.

Ah shit the baby is awake (sips down rest of lukewarm coffee) off I go!

Stop, Collaborate and Listen

Hello friends and followers!

It’s been quite a year so far! Five great podcast episodes out, editing on my book completed, guest spots on other shows, collaborations with new podcast sponsors and - oh yeah - I made a human. Our son’s due date is in exactly 1 week! I cannot believe I’ve been able to get this much professional side hustle work done - on top of pregnancy - on top of buying a house and moving - on top of continuing work at the bedside in the ICU. Crazy. Just crazy.

I can’t say how excited I am though - to COMPLETELY drop everything and pick up a baby, ignoring all other interests and passions other than nesting with my family. My calendar is literally empty after next week. It’s nuts. I’ve never had this much time planned away from professional work EVER. Not that motherhood won’t be work - it’s been a transformation already. It will certainly be a rearranging of priorities.

But I want to take a moment to mention the gratitude I have for all the collaborations I’ve had the privilege of developing this year. It was so great meeting with spiritual guide Anne Richardson earlier this year to talk labyrinths and spiritual care in the healthcare setting. What an awesome journey she is on in Europe finding her ancient roots. Right as I was researching pediatric offices Alison Escalante entered my realm and email inbox. I loved chatting with her on the podcast and appreciated her advice on developing a relationship with a pediatrician. If I ever get a TED Talk developed I’m coming back to you for help! I got to take an absolutely BALLER winter retreat with 10 of my ICU nurse buddies in Sunriver, Oregon. There was snow, a hot tub, lots of alcohol, card games, and a Britney Spears revue. I was a few months pregnant at the time and while I didn’t stay up late hollering “I’m A Slave for U” with a bottle of whiskey, I had an absolutely fun time. Nurses out there - MAKE your retreats happen. Just do it. The reset and camaraderie are freaking necessary to continue doing what we do. That weekend away led me to the Nurses’ Week shout out podcast episode with voicemails - an idea I want to continue in the future.

I was also thankful for all the donations I received for the podcast’s 3rd birthday! 14 people gave a total of ~$250 - which has been great because I have spent it on professional editing. Yet another professional collaboration I’ve been happy to find this year in Tara Voshell at spookedgirlproductions. Thank you for being a true professional, awesome to work with, and an inspiration to women in the podcasting world. Follow her on Instagram!

Another cool thing: I had a repeat podcast guest! Dr. Zahir Basrai returned to Head-to-Toe! Of note, he has his own blog and podcast called The Physician Grind and we traded work again. He told a story on my show about when he was abroad as a medical student, and I wrote -am still writing I swear I’ll finish at some point - a blog post about being pregnant in the healthcare workplace. (Still writing it…hopefully posting soon!) I so love connecting with other healthcare people who are totally in to narrative medicine as much as I am.

I also was a guest on the Nurse Keith Show! Keith and I connected over LinkedIn - I think? - and just having several colleagues in common in the nursing world. He’s a fantastic nursing career coach and has >200 episodes of his own podcast (Insert Wayne’s World “We are not worthy! We are not worthy!”). I so enjoyed espousing my love for storytelling and a bit of my own genesis as a podcaster on his show - episode #221! Listen here.

I also caught up with some other old friends from previous podcast shows. I enjoyed reconnecting with Mary Chiesa, CEO of Saplacor and developing a sponsorship with her invention, the neonatal AEGIS wrap. I also caught up with Engel and Amanda Jones who are having another baby around the same time I am.

The baby journey lead me and husband to childbirth class, which lead me to Sarah Suhrstedt, childbirth educator and doula extraordinaire. She was kind and lovely enough to come to my house after the 6 week series to talk about childbirth education! On the show! The transformation into motherhood (aka “matrescence”) was a really special Trending Topics episode and it is a podcast that I am perhaps most proud of so far this year.

So, with all these things in motion, I’m grateful to press the pause button for awhile. Thank you for reading, listening, supporting. Stay tuned for baby photos, and a possible/probable/tentative book release Fall 2019!

~Marie

Birthing babies. Teaching new parents. Just how scientifically real “mom brain” is and the physiological transition into motherhood. Listen now to the neonatal nerdout with certified birth educator and doula, Sarah Suhrstedt.

I was a guest on the Nurse Keith podcast! Super grateful to have another nurse to talk to about narrative medicine and the intersection of storytelling and healthcare. Check it out!

Look, I'm a talking head on the internet!

I’m very excited to report a new partnership with allnurses.com. I’ve written a feature article for their website and an accompanying video! Yes, video. I am now a talking head on the internet. Neat! I was apprehensive at venturing into this medium to be honest; but as my husband reminded me I was just as apprehensive at starting a podcast three years ago and here I am planning for the Third Annual “Best Stories” episode. I have endless gratitude for my friend, neighbor, and quasi-cousin Ruthann who helped me get set up with my phone on a tripod and lectured me enthusiastically about lighting. I think the end result turned out pretty well for a first try! I used Filmora to edit and add text effects, sent it to allnurses, and it is now up on their YouTube channel. Check it out!

As far as the content itself - I really do stand by those five tips for new graduate nurses. It is advice I would give anyone just starting work after graduation. To see the article click the link below, and to see the video just scroll down!

Looking forward to more podcasting, writing, and video content producing! 2018, wow you’ve had some twists and turns. What’s up next? New job? New family member? New tattoo? Stay tuned.

Fan Mail Mondays, May 2018

This Monday was Memorial Day. I felt weird posting my unrelated fan mail while other people were posting stories from the beloved fallen, so here it is now. A bit late, but here nonetheless.

This month's Fan Mail Monday I wrote to my good old friend and author Addison O'Donnell. We went to high school together and were drama nerds. I finally found time to read his book Beans on Toast which he wrote after successfully instigating a Kickstarter project to fund a week-long stay in a hotel to bust out a novel of sorts. He locked himself in a room with a typewriter (and two deer heads) for a week to do nothing but write, think, drink, and postulate on Fate. He also live streamed the stay. Addison lives in Chicago, check his blog out click here.

The second fan mail love-letter I wrote was to Amy Schumer. I recently saw her latest movie I Feel Pretty by myself on a Sunday afternoon, sans makeup or clothing without stains (see Instagram post below). I have always admired her comedy.* There was a time that I became mildly obsessed* with her work during my Reboot experience (see "Book" section of website) and even tried to do stand-up comedy once. It was kind of a fail*, but it made me respect her so much for what she does, how she represents women, and her no-bullshit attitude and her storytelling talents. Trainwreck was so timely in my late-20s; and now, I'm still following her work after entering my 30s and getting married. Her audiobook, the Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, has me laughing shamelessly while I'm out jogging. So, I wrote my love letter to her publicist (because a star as big as Amy doesn't hand out her email on the internet) hoping that it might not get deleted and passed on to my favorite person in Hollywood. I even made my Instagram account public for a hot minute after I posted at the movie theater, hoping against starry-eyed hope that @amyschumer might give me a thumbs-up emoji comment. No reply as of yet, but of course she's kind of a badass, busy woman. Hoping to see her perform live someday.

That's all for fan mail this month! 

*severe understatement

Fan Mail Mondays April 2018

So I started a new thing. I've have this running list on my phone's note app entitled "People I need to write fan mail to." I'm always adding to it. The bullet points vary from Amy Schumer, to Mark Hamill, to Ruth Bader Ginsberg. I decided to use the fan mail as a writing exercise, but also because these people deserve lots of credit and everyone deserves a little appreciation now and then. Here are my emails to:

• Olan Rogers, creator of 2018 sci-fi TV adventure FINAL SPACE
• Olivia Sanchez, senior student and rowing team athlete at University of Portland who wrote this op-ed in the university paper The Beacon. It is a #metoo story not to be missed

Enjoy. I'll be sure to post replies IF I get them. And, also go watch FINAL SPACE and read that article! Cheers, ~MMac

Moon Cake

Planet destroyer or face hugger?!

PODCASTING NERDS UNITE

The world of podcasting is small and nerdy one, but powerful nonetheless. I have entered the networking circus that is LinkedIn and I gotta say - as much as I dislike self-promotion the thing really works. I was approached by Engel Jones - a podcasting visionary, entrepreneur, and life coach from the Caribbean. In 2016 he recorded 1001 conversations with 1001 different people over a 3 month period and called it the #12minconvo podcast. Insane, right? AFter all that talking with people all over the world, Engel came up with the philosophy YOURS: Your Own Unique Real Self. I was so honored to be part of his 2017 quest to record 800 convos in 12 weeks.

Please, take a listen!  https://twelveminuteconvos.com/marie-macmillan/

2017 PNWA Conference

So on Thursday July 20th I boarded an Amtrak Cascades train northbound to Seattle for the Pacific Northwest Writers Association Conference. I brought my laptop bag, a flash drive, my lucky pen, a fresh blank spiral notebook, my full manuscript, sample chapters printed out, business casual wear, good high heels, and fresh business cards ready to be handed anyone and everyone. I aimed to bring my A game.

It was my first time there, actually first writing conference ever, and I really didn't know what to expect. I was hesitant to even attend due to the cost - but being a Finalist in the Memoir Category earned me a discount and extra recognition so my husband insisted I go ahead and go. So I went. Thursday night we had a Pitch Fest, where we broke out into groups of 7 or 8 and practiced our book pitches with each other. I have to say that was a lively springboard for the weekend. I met awesome writers from vastly different genres - romance, kids lit, paranormal sci fi - and we all were equally self-conscious about presenting our work to fancy New York literary agents in 4 minutes or less. While sitting in a grand ballroom full of 800 writers seeking publication I thought the vulnerability was palpable. But Thursday night we had the pleasure of hearing Natalie Baszile speak about her book's story, QUEEN SUGAR, and how it took more 10 years to come to fruition. I knew there was method acting, but I didn't know there was method writing! She was an inspiring speaker and the perfect match for the audience at hand. I bought her book afterward.

Pitch Blocks happened throughout the weekend - where for 90 minutes we got the chance to stand in line and wait for a 4-minute round with an agent accepting submissions where we either heard "I'm interested, send me chapters" or "Sorry you're just not right for my work" - and sometimes it wasn't even that nice. I was able to formally pitch to 5 people during my Saturday afternoon pitch block, 2 editors and 3 agents, but really, in the words of my old collegiate Theatre Department head, "You're always auditioning." I sat next to an agent for dinner one night and he gave me some names to connect with. I stood in breakfast lines and cockctail hours with other authors and practiced talking about my book and exchanged business cards. It certainly was a different world from call lights, bedpans, and passing out oxycodone. Then after the penultimate Literary Awards Ceremony Saturday night I was invited to the Winners reception immediately following! Oh, because of this:

Whaaaa!!! Awesome right? I'm so honored to have received this recognition from PNWA. I'm honored to have met and connected with great writers and people throughout the weekend. Special shout out goes to: the Pitch Fest group lead by Brian Mercer (Rob, Christine, Sonja, Steven), Donna C Conrad for her flash fiction session, Steven Salpeter for his agent suggestions, William Kenower for his advice on memoir, A.C. Fuller's podcasting for authors session, the cool English teachers from Sequim high school, and my amazing awesome husband for driving up from Portland Saturday night to support me. I love you!

The biggest takeaway for me, other than the 2nd place award and the 10 agent business cards, was getting over my reluctance to speak about my writing and my book. That's all I did for 4 days is talk about writing with other writers so now it doesn't seem so hard to talk about it with friends and strangers. With all the great things that happened I did struggle with some things. It was a weekend fulls of emotional highs and lows (writers, right?).  I got the impression from the non-fiction publishers that unless you are Amy Schumer and have thousands of Twitter followers it would be difficult to sell your book without a huge platform. Furthermore I was disturbed by the specific suggestion from a few professionals that I needed to "align my identity with my content" and go the lecture series self-help dating guru route, and then garner a big following, and then call them. Um, noooooo. I don't want to do that. I know my platform is in a different vein from my book subject matter - but I didn't like the idea that I had to "change my identity." I mean, what? A two-hour, high-heels-free nap later I heard the advice that: "The people who like you, what you do and write, will follow you no matter what so be who you are and be good at it." Then I met an author who wrote a personal memoir first and then published a novel. So I was relieved to hear that not all authors have to fit into nicely labeled boxes all the time. 

Sunday morning we left Seattle for Portland and at 1pm I clocked in to the hospital to finish the last half of my scheduled weekend shift. I convinced another nurse to cover me for the morning. From writing persona to scrubs and bedside report; that's 100% me and I'm gonna run with it.

Stay tuned for more book related things! ~M

*The full list of PNWA Literary Contest Winners can be found here.