The Windowless Ship (and other thoughts via parental insomnia)

A poem written by parents, for parents, in 2020.

Parenting during this pandemic is like

trying to ice skate in quicksand

or swimming in full winter gear

or roller skating down a mountain

     in a snow storm

          wearing a bikini

 

Parenting during this pandemic is like

brushing your teeth while eating Oreos

or walking barefoot on hot coals while juggling ice cubes

It is insanity

climbing up my body & always being

     on the verge

          of a breakdown

It is like

having a constant high pitch beeping in my ear while

being a teacher with no credentials

 

I lay awake at night and think

about everything I can’t control, like

will my family ever get sick? and

will it be my fault?

 

I lay awake at night and think

How is my schedule tomorrow and how will I accomplish it all?

Do I have enough coffee for the morning?

How’s my bourbon supply?

…do I have a problem?

 

I lay awake at night and think

Are my kids going to be okay?

Is my spouse going to be okay?

How am I going to be able to do my job

     and.

          also.

               do all of this?

 

I lay awake at night and think

about all the low-quality conversations with my spouse

and long for the high conversations we used to have

 

I lay awake at night and think

about what the right thing to do is

how blessed we are we aren’t homeless

and whether I should quit my job and try to be a TikTok star

 

Parenting during this pandemic is like

knowing everyone is in the same boat, but

not having windows to see anyone else

hoping what we are doing isn’t fucking [our children] up for the rest of their lives

—more than “normal” time parenting anyway

 

I lay awake at night and think

about everything.

Politics, work, health, groceries,

my attitude and behavior

all race through my mind as a whirlpool

that I am drowning in.

 

I lay awake at night and think

I can’t do this

—but it’s how it has to be

and I’m pretty sure I failed at everything today

but tomorrow I can try again

Co-authors:

Nicole Auxier, Ashley Blackmon, Abby Cluster, Marla Friedler, Jake Lynn, Jane Moshi, Golden Rogers, and multiple writers wishing to remain anonymous.

 

*Arranged and Edited by:

Marie MacMillan

 

*This poem was arranged by responses provided through a voluntary online survey. Contributing authors listed gave permission to be credited through the survey. Eleven total survey participants reported a sum of eighteen children between the ages of 0 and 19+ living with the authors in their home, with most being under age 12 and the average age being 7 ½. The majority of co-authors reported working from home while the majority also reported their children were distance learning from home as well. Four co-authors endorsed that this was their first try at writing poetry.

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